


Cheryl's choice

by Draga



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017), Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betty Cooper & Toni Topaz Friendship, Cheryl Blossom Deserves Better, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, F/F, Hurt Cheryl Blossom, Protective Toni Topaz, Sad Cheryl Blossom, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soft Toni Topaz, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, toni top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 06:46:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18516076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draga/pseuds/Draga
Summary: Cheryl believed that she couldn't be happier than she was in her relationship with Toni, until the Farm allowed her to see the other most important person in her life.What would happen if she had to choose between the love of her life and her deceased twin brother?





	Cheryl's choice

Toni admitted not having been especially observant and attentive to Cheryl and their relationship in recent weeks, but she believed that the day of the musical they had fixed their problems. In fact, Cheryl had understood Toni's desire to have her space and had helped her settle into one of Thistlehouse's many rooms , even though they usually ended up sleeping together almost every night, whether in one room or another.

They were together again and almost better than ever, because now they tried harder to communicate more and better. Their relationship had become more serious and mature with new customs added to the usual ones. They kissed again, went to class together, walked hand in hand and always wanted to be together. But they had agreed to go all out in favor of not spending that wonderful feeling too quickly, so now they were trying to make their lives separate despite being together, and even though they missed each other before they even said goodbye when, for example, Toni would hang out with the Poisons or Cheryl with the Vixens or Josie , returning home and to each other was the best part of the day.

 

So when Evelyn Evernever approached Toni in the hallway of Riverdale high, who after a free hour of classes was picking up books at her locker for the next class, and muttered something about helping Toni also with her breakup with Cheryl before offering a friendly caress on her shoulder and go down the hall as soon as the doorbell rang, Toni blinked several times and frowned as her feet went automatically to look for Cheryl after leaving her for her French class.

 

She found her ex-girlfriend -according to Evelyn- looking at the phone in front of her locker.

 

“Could you explain to me why Creepy Evernever just gave me something similar to condolences for our supposed breakup?” Toni demanded to know once in front of the redhead, who had smiled widely at her and continued to do so despite the fact that Toni felt quite confused and distressed. “Because I thought we had fixed our problems and that-“

 

Cheryl cut the anguish of her girlfriend with a quick kiss on her lips, effectively silencing her.

“Don’t worry, babe, I was going to explain it to you as soon as I saw you. There's no breakup you need to worry about, we're better than ever and last night was proof that we've solved any problems” she smiled suggestively at Toni while playing with the zipper of her Pretty Poison's jacket of her girlfriend, who blushed and relaxed visibly.

 

Toni sighed in relief before leaning and kissing her girlfriend with a smile.

“Cool. But why did you tell Evelyn otherwise?”

Cheryl seemed to doubt a second of Toni's reaction to knowing the truth, but they had promised to communicate properly and she had already agreed to help Betty without even talking to her girlfriend first. She already regretted it because it was like having lied to Toni, even though it was for a good reason, so she tried to say it in the most sincere and smooth way possible.

 

“Oh, a break of ours was the best excuse I could think of for Evelyn to think I was lonely and looking for help”

Toni continued with the same face of confusion and suspicion.

“I still don’t understand. Why would you want her to believe that?”

Cheryl sighed and took Toni's hand to calm and soften her while confessing:

“Betty is investigating the Farm. Her mother and sister are there and Betty believes that the best way to get information to shout down the farm is from within, so she asked me to infiltrate inside and get all the information possible, from Evelyn, his father -who is the leader-, and to know how are Polly , the children and Alice…”

“ What?” Toni cut her girlfriend's explanation dry, her small body trembling from head to foot with anger contained in serious danger of exploding in the middle of the hallway. “Betty asked you to...”

Cheryl stepped forward and kissed the southern girl's forehead, catching her face and forcing her to look into her eyes. In them she could read every emotion perfectly. Cheryl loved Toni's eyes, always so warm, sincere and transparent. They were really a reflection of Toni's soul. But what she saw in them at that time was not as pleasant as five minutes ago. Worry, pain for betrayal, anger and despair were several emotions that Cheryl could easily identify, and she kissed the fleshy lips of her girlfriend repeatedly in repeated attempts to erase every negative emotion Toni felt.

“I'm sorry I did not tell you before, TT, but do not worry. Betty and I know what we are doing, and knowing that Jason's children are with Polly in that Farm, I couldn’t sit still by when she asked me for help” she explained with the feeling of guilt getting heavier as Toni's eyes avoided hers.

“You could ask me for help too, inform me that you are infiltrating in the farm. Cheryl, it's dangerous. It doesn’t matter what Betty says or thinks, you have enough traumas to know that it is not a good idea to go alone to see you with the leader of a sect that has managed to recruit so many people of Riverdale” Toni exclaimed, although her rage was towards Betty Cooper, but it was her girlfriend who ended up suffering it.

Cheryl frowned and crossed her arms, which was her way of proving that her defenses had just been activated.

“When we agreed to have our own space, I didn’t think I should ask your permission for everything, Toni”

“I don’t expect you to ask for permission for anything, Cheryl , but you do report me at least when you're going to do something dangerous” Toni said indignantly.

“I am informing you now!” Cheryl exclaimed with exasperation. She did not understand why Toni got angry when she had gone to similar or more dangerous missions with the Serpents at the beginning of their relationship and she had always supported her and even helped. Maybe it was because she expected Cheryl to ask her for help, but while Cheryl claimed that the Farm was not dangerous, at least for her, she didn’t want Toni to take the slightest risk. Cheryl sighed when she realized they were arguing and refused to return to the same negative place where her relationship had been stagnant less than two weeks ago. She approached a Toni and hugged her neck, joining their foreheads. “Trust me, TT. From now on I will inform you of what happens in the mission if that makes you feel better. And if you want you can also talk to Betty and she will explain everything better. Nothing bad will happen, okay? If you don’t trust her, trust me.”

“Okay” muttered Toni kissing Cheryl. “I trust you, Cheryl.”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Betty Cooper!”

 

The blonde jumped scared on the class where she was reviewing the notes for her next exam. Toni Topaz came through the door like a hurricane and in half a second had already cornered the blonde against the wall.

“What do you think you're doing sending Cheryl to that mentally disturbed farm? Do you never get tired of using others in your favor?” the girl growled in her face while Betty, with her hands raised in peace, tried to stick more to the wall to separate from the pink haired former Serpent.

“You don’t understand, Toni. My mother and Polly...” Betty tried to say in a trembling voice.

“I don’t care about them! Like you don’t care about Cheryl. Do you want to get your stupid family back? Do it yourself and don’t use Cheryl!” Toni shouted separating Betty before her temper got the worst out of her and the blonde ended up in the hospital.

“Cheryl's nephews are with Polly on the Farm. She also has family to lose and can help if she gets ...”

Toni interrupted the other girl again with a shout and a blow on the nearest table.

“Shut your mouth, you hypocrite bitch! That crap of manipulation will have been worth to you with Cheryl because, sadly, she considers you her family and she has enough appreciation to you to help you, putting herself in danger, but it won’t work with me. You don’t consider Cheryl your family. Not you, not Polly and not Alice. Not even her nephews will know that Cheryl is her aunt. But you have no qualms about manipulating her and using her traumas, Jason's death, to make her believe that she must help the only family she has left.

“Please, Toni, let me explain” Betty asked in a trembling voice.

The brunette denied with rage, doing her best not to hit the other girl.

“I don’t want to listen to you, Betty, but you are going to listen to me” she took the necessary steps until she was inches away from the blonde, who held her breath and didn’t even dare to blink. “I swear to God,Betty, if something bad happens to Cheryl, I'll tear off of your head your stupid ponytail.” She said before turning around and leaving slamming the door, leaving a Betty Cooper trembling and frightened against the wall.

For one reason or another, both girls expected Cheryl's mission to go well.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Evidently, it wasn’t fine.

Cheryl started to be strangely kind. With everybody. She smiled and spoke softly, and even greeted Jughead when she saw him. And every time Toni asked her about the mission and her visits to the farm, Cheryl said she couldn´t tell her anything but that she didn’t need to fear for her, that everything was fine, that she have to trust her.

And Toni trusted Cheryl, but not Edgar, not Evelyn Evernever , not Kevin, Polly or Alice, not even Betty. But her girlfriend seemed so sure, so peaceful, so happy ... that despite feeling that something was wrong, Toni was not able to talk to her girlfriend as and about what she wanted to, because she wanted to shout Cheryl to be unpleasant again with almost everyone, to unearth that HBIC facet so characteristic of her, to stop levitating and glowing in fake happiness all over Riverdale. But Toni wasn’t capable of doing so. For the first time since she met Cheryl, her girlfriend seemed really happy. Happier than Toni had ever seen her, even with her, and that hurt her a lot, but for her the most important thing was to see Cheryl happy , so she tried to be happy for her, convincing herself that everything was fine, that Cheryl it was fine.

Up to two weeks later, when she arrived at Thistlehouse, Cheryl looked like the same broken Cheryl she had seen the day they saw Love Simon together. And although it was a much more recognizable version of her girlfriend and the other was a psychedelic version after joining that sect, Toni began to prefer to see Cheryl being happy even if it was thanks to them.

“Babe, what's wrong? Are you okay?” Toni came immediately to the side of the redhead on the large sofa in the house.

 

Cheryl remained with her eyes lost, but a smile appeared on her lips when Toni brought one of her hands to her lips and kissed it repeatedly to bring Cheryl back from her trance.

“I'm better than ever, TT” she bit her lip excitedly as tears began to accumulate in her eyes. She looked directly at her girlfriend before saying: “I've seen Jason.”

 

Toni froze, a sense of fear overwhelmed her and she was tempted to turn around to make sure that the ghost of her girlfriend's brother was not behind them.

“Cheryl...” she started hesitantly, because Cheryl seemed so fragile that telling her such an obvious but painful truth could break her completely. And still, Toni knew that she must be the one to tell her. “Baby, Jason died. Remember? More than a year ago.”

Cheryl kept eye contact with Toni, the pout and tearful eyes from her girlfriend broke Toni's heart when her girlfriend said in the most vulnerable voice she had ever heard her:

“I know” a sob broke her, and Toni hugged her right away. “I know, Toni, but ... I don’t know how, but Edgar has taken me to see Jason. I have seen him. He was with me in a room, and he was ... he seemed so alive, so real. I know it's all a lie, I know what they did to Polly and Alice, but Jason wanted to get to the Farm, and now I've seen him there… I know I shouldn’t keep going, but now I can’t stop. Not if I can see Jason there.”

Cheryl cried all night, and the next morning she was unable to go to class. Toni stayed with her all morning. That afternoon when she couldn’t convince Cheryl to stay with her in bed or watching a movie or making whatever plan Cheryl had previously wanted to do with Toni, the brunette decided to meet with Betty Cooper near Sweetwater river.

They had not even greeted each other when Toni hit Betty in the face with all the strength and experience that years of fights in the Serpents had given her.

“I told you! You knew that sending her to the Farm wasn’t a good idea and now they made her believe that she can see Jason and…”

It was difficult to know which girl was most surprised when a sob broke through Toni. Betty, who still had her hand on her cheek with watery eyes, hesitantly approached the southern girl.

“They probably gave her the same drug they gave to my family and Kevin. Toni, I'm so sorry that they managed to manipulate Cheryl , I swear to you that despite her traumas, Jason ... I did not believe that she would end up getting brainwashed. Because she has you. You are able to anchor Cheryl to the real world, that's why I did not think…”

“Well, they have done it” Toni spat with anger.

 

Betty remained silent for a few seconds before speaking again, afraid of receiving another slap from Toni.

“I know you're angry and hurt and you want to hit me, Toni, but the only way to help Cheryl and the others is to destroy the Farm. My family refuses to talk or listen to me anymore, and Kevin insists that I can not understand him because I am not part of the Farm, but you can ... Cheryl listens to you, she speaks to you. You could get information from her.

“You're doing it again; using other to your advantage, asking me to use my girlfriend now that some morons have brainwashed her to get you information” Toni concluded through clenched teeth, more tears of pain and frustration falling down her cheeks.

Betty pursed her lips and looked away for a second, remembering the looks and smiles between Toni and Cheryl. She really felt fucking guilty because Cheryl had ended up in the hands of the Farm. And now her third cousin thought she saw her dead twin and Toni, who had just got her girlfriend after a difficult period, felt that she was losing Cheryl and there was nothing she could do about it. But Betty was fully confident that Toni and Cheryl would maintain their bond, despite the obstacles. She knew that Cheryl was, from her friends and family, the only person who maintained a bond in the real world so strong that it kept her partially sane from the head.

“You're the only one who can get enough information from Cheryl to take down the Farm, Toni.”

And then what?, Toni thought. Cheryl was happy. Cheryl believed that, somehow, she had got back her dead twin. Cheryl had smiled more in the last weeks than in the last year. That Farm had made Cheryl happier than Toni had made her in a year. She could not compete against them.

Betty seemed to sense her hesitation and fear.

 

“It's not real, Toni. I know what you're thinking, but you have to hold on to it that Cheryl's happiness that you would destroy is not real, okay?” Betty squeezed her hand tightly, a tinge of despair and understanding in her voice told Toni that Betty herself had felt guilty for trying to destroy the happiness that Polly and Alice had found in the Farm.

It's not real, Toni was convinced. The false happiness Cheryl was trapped in was not real. Her smiles did not reach her eyes despite being wider and more present during the day and with anyone. She remembered the way Cheryl looked at her. How she had looked at her when she rescued her from SOQM, how she had looked at her every time they woke up together, how she looked at her when they made love, how she looked at Toni after saying "I love you". That glow in Cheryl's tormented eyes was real. She had made Cheryl really happy. That sect was not going to snatch the most important person in her life.

“I'll take care of this” Toni decided, staring at the reflection of the sky in the crystalline water of the Sweetwater River.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The opportunity came to Toni that night, when in the middle of the night Cheryl knocked on the door of her room.

“Come in” Toni conceded, laying on her back, smiling slightly at the sight of Cheryl slipping into the room in one of Toni's flannels. The brunette quickly moved on the bed to leave enough space for her girlfriend to get in bed with her. “Is everything okay?” she asked seeing the doubt in the beautiful face of the redhead.

“Would you like to meet Jason ?” she asks hurriedly, but that doesn’t prevent Toni hear the emotion and nerves in the whisper of Cheryl. Before Toni can get out of her shock, Cheryl gets up enough to lean against Toni's chest and continue talking, her eyes with a special, real glow, at the prospect of Toni meeting Jason. “I have spoken with Edgar and he has told me that if you agree to follow the rules of the Farm, you could come with me one day. I know what you think about the Farm, but I'd love for you to come even if it's just one day and be able to introduce you to Jason”

But Jason is dead, it's not real, it's an hallucination caused by drugs, Toni wants to respond, but the illusion in her girlfriend's eyes, her emotion, her smile ... it is real. Cheryl is really happy at the prospect of Toni and Jason getting to know each other, and she isn’t able to tell her the reality. How could she?

Betty's words echo in her mind like a song in a loop.

Toni feels her heart break and a lump in her throat as she answers:

“I would love to meet Jason.”

Cheryl smiles impossibly more excited, kissing Toni and resting her head in the crook of her neck with a happy sigh. And despite the way they cling to each other that night, Toni is unable to sleep, knowing that Cheryl is slipping through her fingers, and losing her to the most painful and powerful memory of her life would be losing her forever. Toni does not want to hate Jason because she knows it's the Farm’s fault, Edgar’s fault, the drug’s fault, and that the real Jason is dead. And although she is able to see the happiness that hallucination produces in Cheryl, Toni wishes from the bottom of her heart that Jason's mirage disappeared from Cheryl's mind.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++

 

Toni remembered how creepy was Egdar Evernever after his appearance in the musical, but seeing him there, sitting behind the table where he ran that Farm full of people that Toni had seen stable of mind once and now seemed to be greeting ghosts in each corner, Toni decided not to throw on him to beat him or scream at him to leave her girlfriend alone. Maybe that would bring more problems than following the game for a while and trying to get information for Betty.

“Cheryl told me that you agreed to meet her brother Jason” Edgar showed a condescending smile that made Toni wonder if he would also believe in the lies he told or just thought that Toni, along with the other followers of the Farm, was stupid enough to believe she could meet a dead person.

Jason is dead, she wanted to snap at him, but again, for Cheryl and for the sake of the mission, she swallowed the hatred that should be already palpable against that man and tried to smile.

“Yes. Cheryl seems much happier since she joined the Farm, and I could not refuse when she asked me to.”

Edgar raised his eyebrows slightly, and Toni tensed in her chair, feeling a cold sweat running down her back.

“Alright " he finally said, and Toni restrained herself from sighing in relief, "but you should know that there are rules to be allowed to see a loved one who unfortunately is no longer with us. Why would you choose Jason? Don’t you have anyone you want to see?” he asked interestedly.

Images of her parents' faces bombarded Toni's memory like fireworks. For a second she was tempted to comment that she did have family members whom she wished she could see again, to embrace one last time knowing that she would not have the opportunity again. A second chance to take advantage of the time she did not know when she was younger that was limited. But it would be all a lie. Her parents were dead. Jason was dead. And Chery, like all the other recruited, was under the influence of a drug that Toni could not let affect her.

“No” she replied trying not to be too sharp to raise suspicions. For a second she wondered if maybe Cheryl had told Edgar that Toni's parents had died in a car accident eight years ago and he knew she was lying, but Edgar didn’t show any sign that showed anger or suspicion, so she tried to relax and look as natural as possible. “But Cheryl has been very happy since she says she sees Jason , and I want to make her happy. If coming here and accessing that room with her is what she wants, I will do it.”

Edgar smiled after a few seconds in which he evaluated Toni. Perhaps he had decided that the girl was too defensive about the apparent only reason she was there-to make her girlfriend happy-and that it was useless, at least for now, to try to convince her to join the Farm for her own reasons. But both Edgar and Toni knew that if there was a real reason to convince Toni to join the Farm, it wasn’t deceased loved ones whom she could see again, nor to know their brother-in-law, but Cheryl . Toni would do anything for Cheryl. Perhaps it would not be necessary to manipulate her or to convince her if with an enthusiastic smile of the girl that she loved was enough for her to drink that drug and enter the Farm.

“ Fine. Even if this is just a visit you should follow the rules. Cheryl and I will accompany you.”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++

Her girlfriend, who was talking to Polly in the hallway next to Edgar's office, grinned widely as she watched her girlfriend come out more relaxed than she had at first.

“TT” she greeted softly kissing the lips of Toni, who was doing her best to avoid eye contact with Polly and appear calm. Betty had already warned her that Polly would be, after Edgar, the first to suspect from her if she didn’t appear natural. “Are you ready to meet Jason?” Cheryl asked taking Toni’s hands with a smile so dazzling and a shine in the eyes so special that Toni seriously considered drinking the drug offered by Edgar Evernever in order to "meet" Jason.

“Of course” she smiled as she could while Edgar led them to a room.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++

How Toni managed to make Edgar and Cheryl think she had taken that drug before putting it in the bottle of her pocket that Betty had given her was a mystery, but she preferred not to think too much about it when neither commented anything while Edgar opened the door to an empty room. Well, not empty, but with a small window and two chairs that looked like they were about to break.

Toni attributed the chill that ran through her to the horrifying sound that made that door when Edgar left them alone in the room. The smaller girl was tempted to ask if there was a possibility that the leader of the Farm would leave them there locked up forever without anyone noticing.

Toni was going to ask Cheryl what they were supposed to do now when her girlfriend's face lit up.

“Jason, hello” her girlfriend stepped forward a couple of meters to sit on one of the chairs. Toni remained completely still as she shivered, and she had to remind herself that ghosts didn’t exist when a chill ran through her when Cheryl looked at her with a smile and, looking again to her right, said: “I want to introduce you to Toni.”

Toni knew that this was her signal to get closer, but she stood up just in case Jason's mirage was sitting on the other chair and she would be on top of him. Then Cheryl would wonder how she had not seen her dead brother sitting and would suspect she had not taken that drug to see Jason .

“You can see him?” Cheryl asked nervously, illusion staggered into her eyes and Toni could almost hear the crack of her heart getting worse each passing second without Toni’s response.

Toni hated to lie to Cheryl, she wanted to avoid it and especially on important issues. But Toni refused to break her girlfriend's heart that way. She could not tell her the truth when Cheryl had been so nervous and excited about it, so she swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed the hatred towards Edgar and that illusion of Jason and smiled at Cheryl as best she could.

“Yes, babe, I see him.”

Cheryl sighed with relief and smiled again, her heart filling with love for being in the same room with the two most important people in her life. The Farm had made her biggest dream come true, and at that moment, all those doubts that Cheryl had had over the years wondering if she would be really and completely happy at the same time, had just come true.

“Toni, everything is fine, relax” Cheryl smiled at her while she extended her arm to caress her girlfriend's hand when she saw that she was still nervous standing next to her, her tone soft and her smile sympathetic. Toni could not continue looking at Cheryl's excited, tearful eyes and looked away from where Jason was supposed to be sitting. She tried to imagine him, which was not difficult considering all the photographs and drawings she had seen of him at Thistlehouse and Riverdale High.

“Nice to meet you, Jason." Toni whispered as if afraid that Edgar was listening behind the door. She remembered the recorder that was stuck under her shirt and that Betty would later listen to. That, in addition to make an emotional Cheryl believe that she was meeting Jason, broke her heart. She felt the worst person and girlfriend in the world as she watched Cheryl smile at the empty chair, telling her deceased twin brother how she and Toni had met and how well Toni treated her and how much she loved her.

Toni refrained from speaking out of fear that Cheryl, despite being drugged, might realize her state of sobriety. And more than for fear of being caught in her lie to carry out the mission, it was out of fear of breaking Cheryl's heart if she realized that Toni was pretending to see Jason, lying to her.

Half an hour later, Cheryl began to touch her head and complain, probably because the effects of the drug, and Toni knelt by her side.

“Are you okay, honey?” she asked worried.

Chery whimpered.

“It's hard for me to see Jason” she replied in a pain that Toni knew was more emotional than a drug effect. She wondered if that drug would have the withdrawal syndrome as a side effect in case of taking some time taking it.

“Maybe we should get out of here, Cheryl. You need to lie down for a while” Toni advised helping her girlfriend get up from the chair.

Cheryl hugged her suddenly, and Toni could feel her girlfriend's tears wetting her neck. She returned the hug immediately and observed the emptiness of the room, relieved that she no longer had to continue pretending to see a ghost, and feeling guilty for having pretended to see him.

“Thanks for doing this for me, TT” Cheryl whispered against Toni's pink hair, who had to suppress a sob of her own.

The feeling of guilt was mingling with the fear of losing Cheryl to that stupid Farm and the damn mirage of Jason and everything was starting to be too hard for her. She thought about confessing to Cheryl right there that she had lied to her and that she was on the mission that Betty had entrusted to Cheryl initially to shout down the Farm, but Toni imagined the pain in the eyes of the redhead and the feeling of betrayal that would made Cheryl not trust her again and really believed that she only needed the Farm to be happy. She must keep lying to Cheryl or she would lose her forever, regardless of whether she succeeded in ending the Farm or not.

“I love you so much, Cheryl”.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Edgar was in the corridor opportunely when Toni accompanied Cheryl to one of the rooms to sleep a little and recover from the headache, calling Toni to go with him to his office.  
Cheryl seemed worried about it, but Toni kissed her forehead and assured her that everything would be fine, so the redhead went in to lie down for a while while Toni left with Edgar.

The truth is that Toni was getting on her nerves as she moved next to a silent Edgar Evernever, and when the man closed behind them the doors of his office, Toni was sure he was going to kill her or something.

However, the man surprised her by saying:

“ To love Cheryl so much, it has not cost you that much to lie to her” and he said it with a tone of surprise and even pride that stirred Toni's stomach.

The girl felt that the ground below her had just moved.

“Excuse?”

Edgar smiled, circling Toni until he was in front of her, examining her.

“What would your girlfriend think if she knew you didn’t drink before entering the room, and that you were lying to her all this time?”

Toni tried hard not to get carried away by the fear of being discovered. At least Edgar had not realized why she had not followed the rules he had given her and could excuse herself by saying she was afraid. She could not let neither Edgar nor Cheryl nor anyone else but Betty and her know that she was investigating the Farm.

“The drug you give everyone to believe that they can see dead persons and things that do not exist, you mean” she corrected with clenched fists on each side of her body, ready to defend herself in a physical fight if necessary.

A part of her wished she had to face Edgar that way and break his neck and get rid of all that shit, but Betty had made her promise that she would try to exhaust the diplomatic way before getting out the pocket knife and Toni, no matter how much she did hate her, knew the blonde was right when she said that the intellect should not be fought with brute force.

Edgar had the audacity to appear offended.

“Is that what you think I do?”

 

“ It's what I know you do.”

 

“You're wrong, Toni. All of this is real” the man laughed as he stretched out his arms as if what he said was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Everything here is a fucking lie! All of it. The dead ones, the hallucinations.”

“ But it could be real, if you drink what I give you. This could be real if you join us. Just like it's real for Alice, Polly , Kevin, Cheryl ... You could see Jason, really, like Cheryl wanted. You could see your parents, Toni” the girl shuddered. Cheryl had told Edgar about the death of her parents, and the feeling of betrayal managed to push her to stand firm against the manipulations and temptations of that cult leader.

Toni shook her head, refusing to be weak against that manipulator.

“Have not you seen Cheryl? Her happiness is not a lie. She is happy here, and you could be happy with her if you agreed to join us. There is no pain in joining the Farm, Toni, everything is better here, less painful.”

 

“You manipulate people by taking advantage of their traumas, or by baiting them to make you seem as someone whom can help them feel better. You get into their minds and turn their memories and their pain into weapons to use against them. You do not make them happy, you lie to them and you brainwash them.”

 

Edgar sighed heavily as if he was really disappointed, and Toni feared in those few seconds of silence that he would forcibly retain her to make her take that drug. However, he surprised her when he said:

“ I see that there is no way to make you change your mind. Neither I, not even Cheryl would get you to understand that this is not bad, that we only help people to have a vision of life and death that makes their existence easier and happier. But you prefer a life full of pain and loss. It's your choice” he said quietly as Toni nodded and backed carefully, eager to get to the door, find Cheryl and run out of that place. Then Edgar added: “But not Cheryl's.”

Toni stopped short and turned around, her body tense and her blood suddenly cold.

“What?”

 

“ Cheryl is happy here and will not go anywhere " the man declared as he relaxed with his arms crossed against his chest.

 

Toni frowned and took an intimidating step forward, the knife in her pocket becoming heavier as if it were asking to be used to cut that men's tongue.

“You can not keep her here!”

Edgar smiled horrifyingly as if Toni was a child girl who could not understand the situation.

“I'm not keeping her here, Toni. It is she who wants to stay. That's why I wanted you to join us. You do not understand it? For the first time since her brother died, Cheryl is really happy, and she does not want to leave if it means leaving Jason behind, her happiness, everything she had lost and here has recovered, everything you can never give her as we do” he said making every word a punch that made Toni smaller and more insecure.

The girl blinked her eyes full of tears of grief, anger and frustration, but mostly of hatred. She had to convince herself that Edgar did not know Cheryl better than she did, that her girlfriend loved her, that Cheryl knew deep down that this was a lie and she would go home with Toni, because Toni was real .

“Everything has its limits. This is your only chance. Think wisely. The drug makes people confuse reality with what is not. Just as Cheryl believes that Jason is real, how long will it take her to believe that you are not?” Toni froze on the site. That could not be possible, right? Edgar was playing with her mind as he did with everyone, she could not let him win.

 

“Cheryl would never believe that. It's impossible” she tried to sound convinced.

 

Edgar smiled slowly.

“You seem pretty sure. Do you want to prove it?” Toni remained silent while Edgar approached her and caressed her shoulders as if he was a caring father. “Listen to me, you do not want to. So if you want to avoid it, if you really love Cheryl , you know what you have to do.”

And Toni was not sure if Edgar expected her to say "okay, I'll join your sect," but he did not seem too surprised when Toni took a step back before running out of his office to fetch Cheryl and take her away thence. She tried not to wonder why Edgar was not trying to stop her or yelling at someone to caught her so he could drug her by force and add her to his recruit list.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++

“Cheryl!”

The redhead suddenly got up from the bed when Toni came through the door of the room completely agitated and her face full of worry.

“We have to leave. Now” her girlfriend declared extending her arm towards Cheryl, who got up despite standing still in the room, not understanding why Toni's rush was due.

 

“TT, what's wrong?”

 

Toni made an effort to keep calm to explain to Cheryl what was happening.

“ Listen, babe, we have to go, okay? Right now I can not explain why, but here we are in danger. You are in danger.”

“Toni, that does not make any sense” Cheryl looked at her as if Toni had lost her mind.

The pink haired growled frustrated.

“Cheryl. Please, just ... trust me, okay? Edgar is manipulating you, he's drugging you, like he is doing with everyone else. And everything that you think is real, is not.”

“What do you mean?” Cheryl insisted on knowing, and when Toni remained protesting and insisting on leaving instead of giving her an explanation, Cheryl repeated with firmness. “Toni. Explain yourself. Now.”

 

Toni looked at her as if she was afraid to say the words that would make Cheryl break into a thousand pieces that not even Toni could put back together, but she knew how stubborn Cheryl was and that the only way to convince her was with the truth.

“This is a sect, okay? You already know, Betty told you.”

“What does Betty have to do with this now?” demanded Cheryl crossing her arms.

Toni sighed in exasperation.

“Betty asked me to come and investigate the Farm and Edgar after they brainwashed you.

Cheryl looked at her as if she couldn’t recognize her.

“You lied to me” Cheryl concluded in a whisper. “When I asked you to come meet Jason ... And before, in the room ...” her eyes filled with tears and her heart of pain and betrayal.

Toni whimpered as if her heart ached.

“My love, I'd love to meet Jason, I swear to you” she paused to find the right tone, since the words would never be less painful whatever fine they were “but Jason is dead. What you think you see is an effect of the drug that Edgar is giving you. It's his way of keeping people in the Farm, but it's not real.”

Cheryl raised her hand to silence her, unable to hold on as Toni broke her heart word after word. After everything that had happened, Toni had lied to her, and about Jason . Toni had used her to infiltrate in the Farm and then tell her that it was all a lie and she was deluded for believing it.

“How could you, Toni?” she asked through clenched teeth, trembling with rage and pain. “How could you lie about this?” she screamed.

Toni snapped.

“Because I love you! And you were so happy that I could not do anything else. Please, Cheryl, I know that right now it all looks like crap, but let's go home and let's talk about it, far from here.” She pleaded.

“ The point is that right now I can not think of a reason to leave, Toni. You say that all this is a lie when you yourself have been lying to me knowing that it would hurt me. And you say you love me?” she laughed without humor, her arms crossed as a defense of everything, of any lie, of Toni.

 

Toni seemed angry, her eyes hardening at Cheryl's question .

“You know damn well that I love you, Cheryl. Not only I have said it many times, but I also proved you that I love you. Unlike Edgar or anyone in this place. I love you and I want the best for you.”

“You love me but you can not accept that seeing Jason makes me happy ? Can not you accept that not only you can make me happy?” She screamed without caring the look of disbelief and pain that went through Toni's brown eyes. And Cheryl was fully aware that Toni loved her and only wanted the best for her, but she felt so hurt and betrayed by her at that moment that she only spoke from the pain.

Toni remained silent, not even bothering to reply to an accusation with as little sense as the one that Cheryl had just made. She breathed to calm herself.

“We can discuss this later if that's what you want, Cheryl, despite knowing that I would never do anything to hurt you if it wasn’t for a better cause. I was just trying to protect you, but you're so blinded by Edgar's lies that he made you doubt me. Do not you see what he's going to get? He's going to separate us, Cheryl” Toni cried out in anguish, taking enough steps until she was in front of Cheryl and interlacing her hands, softening her tone. “Please, babe, let's get out of here. Come home with me.”

Cheryl bit her lip to keep it from shaking, her tears were thick and it seemed like they would never stop falling.

“ Toni, you can not make me choose between Jason and you, it's not fair” Cheryl said with tears in her eyes. “Now that I've finally recovered him, you can not do this to me, I can not...”

“Yes you can, Cheryl” she insisted desperately. “Damn, Cheryl , why is it so hard for you? It's all a lie! Cheryl, please, I know how it hurts to hear it, but you have to know. Jason is dead, okay? What you think you see is not real. But I am. We have to get out of here before it's too late. Please come with me home” Toni asked with anguish, wanting to cry.

Cheryl looked at her with a pout trying to hold the crying, hurt both by the words of Toni and the anguish of not knowing what to believe, what she wanted to believe. And what if Jason was not real? She could see him. And what if she saw him because she was drugged? And what if everything was a lie? She was happy. Why could not Toni understand that? It was not that at the Farm she was happier than she had been, because Toni had made her really happy. Toni loved her as she was, respected her, but now she was forcing her to choose between Jason and her. Why could not she have them both? Why could not she be happy with Jason and Toni?

“ Toni, I love you…”

 

“ But that's not enough” Toni completed in such a desolate way that it made Cheryl cry more. “You choose Jason.”

 

“ I’m so sorry. I can not ... Right now I can’t go back with you, Toni” she said in a whisper that was enough to finish breaking Toni's heart.

Toni stood without knowing what to do, unable to believe what was happening, that what Cheryl said was real. She could not believe that Edgar was right. She could not believe that Cheryl had just picked a lie from that man instead of Toni, the girl that had seen through Cheryl, who had made her accept and love herself as she was, who had reminded her of what true and genuine love was, and showed her how loyalty, trust, disinterested affection felt. Cheryl had just chosen a hallucination from Jason instead of Toni, despite knowing that she was real and he was not. Or maybe Cheryl did not know that, maybe Cheryl did not know whether to believe that Jason was a lie or real, but the worst of all is that it had become clear that she did not want to know. Cheryl preferred to cling to the doubt if it allowed her to be happy.

Toni did not know what to say, although it was not necessary when Edgar appeared in the doorway of the room and ended the conversation, although there was little to say.

“I think it's time for you to go” he said with a satisfied tone that, if Toni wasn’t in shock would have made her jump on his neck. “It's clear that Cheryl has made her decision and we all know which one is yours, so Polly will escort you to the door” Cooper's older sister remained helpfully behind Edgar while Toni struggled to meet Cheryl's gaze, which remained crossed arms looking at the ground.

“You're right” Toni said while watching the sob that Cheryl was trying to hold, before advancing to her and gently caressing her hand. Cheryl looked up, full of pain, and trembled when Toni leaned over to kiss her lips with such subtlety that she reminded the redhead to their kiss after Toni rescued her from SOQM. Toni remained inches aways from Cheryl, both of them crying in silence, and slowly separated to look her in the eye. “Goodbye, Cheryl.”

And Cheryl wanted to hold her hand and hug her and ask Toni not to leave her, to hold her and ask her forgiveness and talk about things to solve their problems as they had done weeks ago.

But instead, Cheryl stood still watching Toni leave, tears blurring her gaze.

“Could I see Jason again, please? I need him” she asked Edgar, who smiled sympathetically.

“ Of course.”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++

 

“Did you manage to record the whole time you were there?” It was the first thing Betty asked the next day when Toni entered the math class that during the hour it would be empty.

 

“Yes" murmured Toni, the dark circles of a whole night without quite a sleep, but Betty preferred not to comment on something that seemed obvious that Toni did not want to talk, so she focused on the matter so that she had agreed to meet.

 

“Great! Is there anything especially important that you can get ahead of me before listening to the recording? I have the laptop here, give it to me and we can...” Betty kept talking as she took the laptop out of her backpack and extended an arm for Toni to give her the recording.

 

The recording of her mission in the Farm. A complete recording of the almost two hours she had been inside. A recording that included her conversations with Cheryl, as well as with Edgar. A recording in which was her "meeting" with Jason, in which Cheryl "spoke" with Jason and in which Toni was witness to the overwhelming illusion with which Cheryl thought she was seeing her brother.

“No” she said holding the tape recorder more tightly in her hand.

Betty frowned.

“What do you mean? Toni, there can be crucial information in that recording. It is necessary to analyze it” the blonde shouted exasperated.

“No, Betty! You do not understand it. It's too private, too ... You can not listen to it, there are things that nobody should listen to, okay? If necessary, I will check it at home and write down everything else. Trust me.”

 

Betty looked confused and desperate, as if she thought the Farm had managed to manipulate Toni too, but when she noticed the other girl's teary eyes as she watched the tape recorder, she understood her reasons and softened her tone.

“Okay” she conceded finally. Toni looked at her sadly but firmly. “But write down everything else, okay? Everything. Exclude only the parts you consider... private” Betty completed uncomfortably. Certainly she also did not want to hear how Cheryl thought she was hanging out with Jason. Guilt and grief would eat her alive and she did not want to imagine how Toni had felt or was feeling.

At least one of them had to keep a cool head.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++

 

At last it was finally weekend. Toni had barely slept and had not even bothered to pretend to be fine during school hours or with Nana Rose, who luckily had believed the lie that Cheryl had gone to that trip she had planned weeks ago, alone.

During the afternoon she had analyzed the recording and sent Betty all the information that was not compromising to Cheryl and her, and the blonde had promised to give an answer to what to do from now on early Monday.

There were times when Toni did not care what happened to the Farm or Edgar now that Cheryl had made her decision, but then thought carefully that her girlfriend (ex girlfriend ?) continued to live a lie there and that gave her the strength to want to destroy the Farm and all the people who were related to it.

Maybe she had lost a battle but she refused to lose the war. She was going to take revenge for what Edgar Evernever and his damn Farm had done to Cheryl and the others.

 

On Saturday night she was so deep in her thoughts that she did not even bother to open the door to anyone who was ringing at Thistlehouse’s door.

She didn’t care until she heard the sound of keys in the lock.

The brunette got up from the couch where she was laying, about to fall asleep, to see the door open and Cheryl Blossom stop all movement when she saw Toni.

Toni watched Cheryl carefully without believing she was there. Of course it was her house and Toni knew that many people from the Farm were not there 24 hours a day, but the reddened face and tearful eyes of her girlfriend told Toni that the girl might not have been doing so good these days in the Farm like she had thought.

“Cheryl” Toni whispered without being able to believe that after so many days full of pain, the other girl was in front of her again. She tried to protect herself by telling herself that maybe Cheryl had gone back for a suitcase to stay permanently at the Farm, or to tell Toni that they should break their relationship permanently and that she should leave her house. Maybe she had come back to sell it, like Alice Cooper.

But the sob that broke the apparent firmness of Cheryl proved that she had also had a bad time after her farewell.

“Toni, I…”

The southern girl was in front of the other girl in less than a second to hug her, and Cheryl melted into Toni's arms as she continued crying hard on her shoulder.

“I'm so sorry, Toni.”

“Don’t worry. Relax, babe. I'm with you” Toni continued muttering words of consolation in the ear of her girlfriend until she calmed down enough to let herself be guided to the sofa and sit next to Toni, her hands always intertwined. “What happened? Are you hurt or something? Why did you…?”

Cheryl did not let Toni continue talking, silencing her with a deep kiss, her hands holding the brunette's face as if it was the most valuable thing in the world. Because for Cheryl it was.

“I'm so sorry, Toni. The other day I should not let you leave. I should have returned with you. You are the most important person in my life, Toni, and I should not ...” she cried harder.

“ Sshhh” Toni stroked the redhead's back to reassure her. “Okay, honey, nothing's wrong. We both did things that were not right. I'm sorry too.”

Cheryl shook her head, clutching Toni's shirt.

“ I'm sorry for making you think you're not the most important person to me, but you are, I swear. Not the Farm, not even Jason; it's you. I was not picking Jason over you, I swear" she explained desperately, searching for Toni's gaze to make sure her girlfriend saw the sincerity in her eyes.

“ Cheryl, relax” Toni kissed her “I understand, okay?” she stroked Cheryl's face , drying her cheeks with her thumbs. “When we lose someone we love, a part of us also dies. It is normal that if they offer you the possibility of believing that you can have that person back, you will hold on to that second opportunity.”

 

Cheryl pouted to hold back the tears.

“I know you'll think I'm crazy but ... Jason finally convinced me to come back with you. When you left, I ... " She closed her eyes and clasped her forehead with Toni's, which continued to caress her face as Cheryl clung to her girlfriend's neck. “I know what it is to lose Jason , how horrible it was the first time and how horrible it will be this time. But I know the feeling and I know that I can continue living as difficult as it is and, and part of it is thanks to you. You have always been by my side, you have supported me and you love me as I am. You are real and so am I and so is our love. Everything horrible that has happened to me last year has been less painful because I have you. You make me feel alive and happier than I have been in a long time and I do not want to lose you. I can’t.”

Toni smiled, the pieces of her heart getting together again.

“You won’t lose me, Cheryl. Never.” Toni promised from the bottom of her heart. “You can not imagine how it hurts me to know that you still have trouble believing me when I tell you that you are not alone anymore, but if you let me, I can keep proving it to you.”

 

Cheryl nodded with a smile, her heart so full of love and happiness despite the pain she has been through that she knew she didn´t need anyone or anything besides Toni to be happy. Toni was everything to her.

 

“ I know I can live without Jason even though the pain of his absence will haunt me forever, but I don’t want to know if I would be able to live without you. I'm sure I couldn’t, I don’t want to. A life with you is the only thing I want, TT.”

They kissed again, a slow and deep kiss full of love, those kisses that close wounds and promise better times.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this fic posted but it didn't appear on my works and I think I deleted it trying to correct some grammar mistakes so I posted it again


End file.
